Date: August 22, 2009 10:19 AM Title: Punishment Continued
If it was me--not that I'd do anything to put myself in that situation--I'd have committed suicide right after my shower.
I don't know why I read this because I don't like slave/master stories. If they're well-written, they infuriate me. If they're badly-written, they make me sick. This one infuriated me...and hurt me at that same time.
I say that because no matter what evil anyone would perpetrate on Harry, he could never do this to anyone. It's not in his nature. He'd maybe turn on Ginny and have nothing to do with her, but he'd never enslave her--he knows what that's like (sans the sex).
Still, it infuriated me, which is an indication that it was well-written.
Under normal circumstances, I'd agree with you, but this was a writing meant for showing a "point-of-no-return" concept in a story under the premise that the three (Harry/Hermione/Luna) are going fully dark and evil. That is why I put up so many warnings at the beginning, so you know what is coming and whether or not to even bother with the story.
As a general rule, I'd agree with you, though. But this was meant to be an example of something a friend and I were discussing (referencing "Absolute Power" in my "Into the Rabbit Hole" series wherein "Power corrupts, Absolute power corrupts absolutely.")
Date: April 25, 2009 2:09 AM Title: Punishment Continued
A very interesting story. I enjoyed this quiet a bit! You are a great author! Keep up the great work!
Date: March 09, 2009 1:36 PM Title: Ginny's Punishment
Great work mate, I like to see the story here too, can't wait to see the rest of the story when you start it again.
To anonmg1's comment, yes I am a dyslexic and my Beta Readers at the time won't that great - I've got a new one but he is looking at my Pet story at the moment. But my other problem is that I had a bad schooling and I'm afraid that I don't know what I'm looking for Paladeus. But to be honest Paladeus, can you really see a differance?
Can you review my story here too mate?
Date: March 09, 2009 8:33 AM Title: Ginny's Punishment
Great. I read it again. Very nice.
I'm an old dirty bugger, not? But still ...
It was actually incomplete, it seems. I corrected it and posted the second half as a new chapter.
Date: March 08, 2009 2:44 AM Title: Ginny's Punishment
Revenge? I get the impression you don't like Ginny (grin)?
Date: March 08, 2009 1:12 AM Title: Ginny's Punishment
I was reading this to see if there was anything extra as compared to the FFN version. I don't know if you're aware, but the last third of the chapter is missing on this site. One paragraph after Luna's "Evilgasm," the text cuts out in mid-sentence.
Now that that's over with, I want to request that this story be continued, including flashbacks of all the back-story you mention, especially Harry's relationship with Hermione, and Luna and Tonks's initial enslavements. No offense to Dragen, because I know he's dyslexic, but as good and as imaginative an idea as his Slave Challenge is, the man can't write nearly at the level you can, and his Beta editors are incompetent. I offered my services a few months ago, but with bad timing, as my life became incredibly hectic almost immediately, robbing me of any time I would need to edit his work.
The point I am trying to get at is that I want to see this challenge responded to by someone who has talent in the writing of a story, not just in its conception.
I also like Darkened Paths and Death's Pride, but the addition of this story to the "In-Progress" list will more than compensate for the delays that it would cause the others.
I hope that this review might inspire you to continue this story, and thank you in advance if you do so. Whether you do or not, however, thank you for at least writing this much.
I very much appreciate constructive criticism and am happy to see your review. To be honest, once I made sure it posted, I didn't even consider that it may have a limit to chapter length. That's actually very disturbing for me, as this is my second-shortest chapter of anything I've written, which means I really need to check my other stories as well.
This story is currently not going to be continued, however. I will be thinking about writing it later, but I want to be sure to finish one of the other stories I'm working on first. Since you want backstory, however, I'll give you a little.
Tonks and her mother were reinstated into the Black family via Sirius' will and, because he overheard Tonks talking about massive physical abuse she watched Harry suffer through without stopping or helping (which she should have done as a watch for Harry and as an Auror who is meant to protect the public) and thus, he used his power as her Head of House and bound her to Harry as his slave, thus creating her as his first. There was an individual letter left for Harry to explain what was going on, along with lots of dirty little Order Secrets.
Ones that point out how Hermione is being drugged and bound to Ron as a sex slave for his use (not marriage, but a slave to use as he sees fit) since she's a muggleborn who can help him with his life. Harry is being left ignorant about his family, the prophesy, powerful magics and the like so he is weak and malleable and eventually being guided to Ginny so everything that is his and the Potter's will go to the Weasleys. Only Ron, Ginny and Molly are really evil. Ron is just bad, Ginny was spoiled rotten (almost literally) and Molly is a pureblood at heart, including the majority of the prejudice, even if not quite as strong. But she loves her family more than anyone else, especially a "mudblood" like Hermione and, while Harry's end will be unfortunate, he will make her daughter happy and then take care of the family after he is gone.
Luna is a Seer with mild abilities, similar to my "Darkened Paths" fic, who is well aware of what is happening to Harry and what Harry is going to end up in. Knowing that Harry will be killing his enemies, and she doesn't want to be turned against him (which she knows will happen without her permission) she enslaves herself to Harry, becoming a slave in part. The particular nature of the wording will mean that she is bound to Harry, but she cannot be used by any male but him, or sold or given away and she is given leeway. She won't be a full slave, but will be nearly an equal. She will be the Alpha Slave.
Anything else can be determined by Dragen's, or Ranger Dragen's, Slaves challenge.